So, it’s been a while. I’m feeling a little rusty on how to share one’s feelings with a myriad of strangers, but, well, I’m thinking it might be worth it, so we’re gonna get back into the swing of things.
I have been thinking a LOT lately about coming back to my blog, on how it helped me through some difficult times, just being able to spill my guts without having to look at the eyes of the one being spilled upon, it’s a sense of freedom. I can pretend in my world that NO ONE but me is reading this, and therefore be brutally honest with out fear of retribution.
Now, to tell the tale of the last few months (ok…read almost 2 years), and to maybe fully understand the SIGNIFICANCE of the great revelation, we need to start at the end…i.e. the revelation, and then kinda work backwards…er…forwards… Or…sideways at least. Regardless, the tale is the same, and in the end, it will all make sense, and maybe…touch someone else who has experienced their OWN great revelation.
So, if we’re all ready, let’s begin.
In July of this year I lost a friend and mentor, Mr. Henry Bolduc. For those of you who knew Henry, or were lucky enough to study with him, you know what a kind, gentle, enlightened soul he truly was. In my heart, I know that Henry was ready to make his transition, but the selfish part of me was angry and very sad that he was gone. I was mourning the loss, both personally and professionally, when…ka-BLAM….THE GREAT REVELATION (think deep Godlike voice booming in the background over a chorus of angels singing and you’ll be close) I had not LOST this amazing man, when I had the opportunity to keep him alive through the work that he had shared with me? (ok…so, now…admittedly, so far it sounds pretty…well…obvious…but go with me.)
After the death (do you know, that is the first time EVER I have used that word in conjunction with the following name…ever.) of my dear friend Don Wingate in 2009, I was devastated. Yes, I knew he was ill, and that the end was near, but somehow, I just thought that someone as wonderful as he would overcome all obstacles. Miracles happen. Losing Don Was heartbreaking. HEART. BREAKING. The death of his dear partner, and my friend, Jeanne less than 30 days after was…well…lets just say I didn’t take it well. I felt for months like I just could not overcome the grief and sadness I was feeling. And during that time, I knew that Don was around, and that he was annoyed with me for being so bogged down, but…well, that’s all I could muster. I was hating Pennsylvania, hating my situation, feeling lost and away from those who UNDERSTOOD me, for what I really was and all around pretty unhappy. I put on a brave face most of the time, and only Trainman was privy to my deep seated depression.
So, during all this internal hoopla, I starting hearing Don, and remembering all the times he asked me to go to Massage school. I was already an established therapist in the Fredericksburg area, and perfectly happy doing what I was doing, including teaching Aromatherapy to Don’s massage classes. I would tell him repeatedly “that’s your thing, this is my thing.” And I was content with that. Now, flashing forward to the winter/early spring of 2010, I decided that the one thing I could do for Don was to honor him with the request he set forth for me so many, many times. I decided to go to massage school.
Here’s the sideways part….we’ll leave massage school as a WHOLE ‘nother post…trust me. 🙂
So, amusingly, as I begin school, make a commitment to PENNSYLVANIA, within 3 weeks of my starting, Trainman is offered a job…OUT OF THE BLUE…in…yep..you guessed it, Fredericksburg VA! Wait…what…says you? Isn’t that…could it be…yes, Baldwin’s Girl was headed home! home home homehomehomehomehome. Clicking my freaking heels and smiling like a cheshire cat home. Wait, you say…you just started school! What about the promise? The commitment? Turns out, my school has a campus in Falls Church, that I can cleanly transfer to without having to repeat anything. voila, stars align, angels sing, blah blah blah.
So, here’s the girl, poised on the brink of change, ready to go home. Home where she was a successful therapist, with wonderful friends and wonderful clients and home. New Horizons…er….old horizons…whatever. A good stopping point for the thoughts of today.
Up next…part 2…ish….moving on up..out…down….whatever