Heads or Tails – Mark

Mark 8:36  For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?

This Weeks theme for Heads or Tails is “Mark”.  This is one of my favorite passages from the Gospel of Mark, so I thought I would go this direction.  A bit on the philosophical side perhaps today.

I have found that in life, there are certain types of people who are willing to give up everything for some sort of financial gain, advancement, or recognition.  I certainly applaud these folks for their aplomb and drive, however, that’s just not me.  And I wonder to what cost are they willing to pay?

For one reason or another, I have been in situations where it seemed that I was  forced to “sell my soul” to survive, get by, or simply exist.  Bowing down and dropping all my convictions in order to meet someone elses, so that I may gain whatever the proffered prize may be…money, time with my kids, a job, etc.  It’s such a horrid feeling, for me at least.  And although we cannot physically sell our souls, the simple action we participate in, leaves a kind of emptiness inside….as though we have actually given away part of our true being.  In a sense, I suppose we have….by denouncing all that we believe in, we have sold off some part of ourselves…allowed it to be removed from us.  Was it worth it?  Only the one in the situation, the one living with the end result, can answer that. 

I know that the times I have had my hand forced, and been placed in these situations, I wondered….is it really worth living with this decision for the rest of my life?  Am I supposed to fight this instead of surrender?  To what avail….is usually my final decision maker.  I ask myself that….and await an answer.  Sometimes the answer easy, and obvious, other times, not so much.

I think as parents, as moms in general, we are called upon to do things to protect and defend our children, our families in ways that are difficult, sometimes frightening.  Whether taking a new job, a lesser job, staying home, giving up things for ourselves, whatever the particular case may be.  We are the ones who have to bend, if not break, to fit the family mold, protect and serve, defend.  If it were only me, I would be more apt to say “F off” and move on, but for the kids, I would not only sell my soul, but gift wrap it in gold paper and hand deliver it.  And at times, have been forced to do so.  Those incidents, those moments, when reviewed, even though difficult to stomach, I know that the decision was right…for my children are now safe, happy, smart, and protected.  Can I live with myself for making those decisions, yes.  Did I gain the whole world by protecting them?  Yes.  Did I profit?  Yes.  Do I regret it?  Not at all.