An Open letter to Prospective Employers.

Not necessarily to MY prospective employers, just to those who publish “help wanted” ads for jobs.  Any jobs.  Take it as my very agitated advice.  

Dear Sir and/or Madam AND/OR Hiring Manager,

I know that in your mind you are thinking “we need to run an ad and hire someone”. Someone for something in your company that you for some reason think needs done. BEFORE you run that ad, take the following things into consideration.

1.  If you run the ad, you PROBABLY should plan on responding to any and all job applicants, especially if you are requesting that applications be sent by e-mail only. How about a “thanks, we got your e-mail, now leave us the fuck alone” standard response. Wouldn’t that be simple? Even a 10 year old can type and save a document and paste it to an e-mail after clicking “reply”. The people that respond to your ad are DOING SO because they are interested in working for your company. DUH. They took the time to reply, how about a little quid pro quo????

2.  JUST BECAUSE the person applying for your magnificent job is CURRENTLY unemployed, doesn’t make them unemployable. MAYBE they got caught in a funky weird situation that caused them, THROUGH NO FAULT OF THEIR OWN to be unemployed. OBVIOUSLY they don’t want to REMAIN unemployed or they wouldn’t be applying for your super terrific job!!!!! Maybe you could actually SPEAK to them before circular filing their hard work.

3.   I think that it is absurd to list a “temporary part time data entry level position” and require a BA in communications, and only offer to pay them $7.00 an hour!!!! AND that you would neglect to mention these facts in your ad! Are you serious?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

4.  Treat your prospective employee like you would want your wife/girlfriend – husband/boyfriend to be treated. DO NOT eyeball the prospect and then ask “so, do you have a PROBLEM taking orders from a woman?” A sample reply to this question, found in the “how not to land the job” handbook is “Are you friggin kidding me???If I wanted to be ordered around, I’d either stay home or join the Marines.”  Never, but NEVER give your prospect the “once over” to their face. 

Following these few simple rules should assist you in your quest for that perfect person to “come on board” with your organization.

Thank you.

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